i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
