dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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