What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
