So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
