Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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