I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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