Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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