its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Couch. On fire.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
