On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
