guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And then the night went full on bisexual.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
