too bad you live with your parents still
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
