Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
