I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
