i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
