first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
