That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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