You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
