you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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