those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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