You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
