I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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