I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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