people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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