Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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