Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
