it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
