Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
