Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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