The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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