i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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