what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
