Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
