I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
