the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
