The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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