Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
