Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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