This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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