no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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