im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
