Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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