Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
