my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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