You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
