My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
