Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
And then he peed in my hair
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