I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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