Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
