It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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