dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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