I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I am morally bankrupt
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
