we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
