I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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