So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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