My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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